Love Me, I'm a Liberal: then and now

One of the best political songs of all time is Love Me, I'm a Liberal by Phil Ochs. It is a sharp but very clever and funny attack against the hypocrisy of liberals who criticize anyone or anything that gets 'too far' to the left. Here are the lyrics to Phil Ochs' song:

I cried when they shot Medgar Evers
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they shot Mr. Kennedy
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm X got what was coming
He got what he asked for this time
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every colored boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I cheered when Humphrey was chosen
My faith in the system restored
I'm glad the commies were thrown out
of the A.F.L. C.I.O. board
I love Puerto Ricans and Negros
as long as they don't move next door
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

The people of old Mississippi
Should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work
What's the matter don't they watch Les Crain?
But if you ask me to bus my children
I hope the cops take down your name
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I read New Republic and Nation
I've learned to take every view
You know, I've memorized Lerner and Golden
I feel like I'm almost a Jew
But when it comes to times like Korea
There's no one more red, white and blue
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I vote for the Democratic Party
They want the U.N. to be strong
I go to all the Pete Seeger concerts
He sure gets me singing those songs
I'll send all the money you ask for
But don't ask me to come on along
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

Once I was young and impulsive
I wore every conceivable pin
Even went to the socialist meetings
Learned all the old union hymns
But I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I have more than once heard people say that it would be great to update this song with new references to current people, places and things, as Phil Ochs' song is great but all the references are very specific to that time (1960s).

One attempt to update the song was done by Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon in 1996, on the record Prairie Home Invasion. Here is their version, with many Clinton-era political and cultural references:

I cried when they shot John Lennon
Tears ran down my spine
And I cried when I saw "JFK"
As if I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm-X and Ice-T had it coming
They got what they asked for this time

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I go to pro-choice rallies
Recycle my cans and jars
I'll honk if you love the Dead
Hope those funny Grunge bands become stars
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit to far

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I cheered when Clinton was chosen
My faith in the system reborn
I'll do anything to save our schools
If my taxes aint too much more
And I love Blacks and Gays and Latinos
As long as they don't move next door

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Rush Limbaugh and the L.A.P.D.
Should all hang thier heads in shame
I can't understand where they're at
Arsenio should set them straight
But if Neighborhood Watch doesn't know you
I hope the cops take your name

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Yeah, I read the New Republican
Rolling Stone and Mother Jones too
If I vote it's a Democrat
With a sensible economy view
But when it comes to terrorist Arabs
There is no one more red, white, and blue

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Once I was young and had an attitude
Stickers covered the car I drove in
Even went on some direct actions
When there weren't rent-a-cops to be seen
Ah, but now I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

But here we are, ten years since Jello & Mojo's version. So I was happy to stumble across two very recent versions of this classic on the web. One is by someone named Evan Greer. I came across it on this blog. Here is his version of the lyrics (he gets points for working Howard Dean, SUV's, and internet jokes about Dubya in there!):

I trade Internet jokes about Dubya,
They sure are funny to me.
But don't even think about asking
For me to give up my new SUV.
I don’t know what you mean about oil,
I just wish that gas could be free...
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

Well I’ve signed about a thousand petitions,
And my golf score is six under par.
And I keep myself up on the issues
By listening to N.P.R.,
And you know that I’m changing the world
With these stickers all over my car!
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

And you know that I’m not a racist,
I've been on the side of the blacks all along.
And I always give a few extra dollars
To the young man who mows my lawn!
And I’ve never read Emma Goldman,
But I know that she must have been wrong!
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

Yes I went to that pro-choice rally,
I think women should get equal pay.
But it’s sure nice that my wife cooks me dinner,
And she puts my clean laundry away!
And maybe our country ain’t perfect,
But revolution is never the way.
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

You know I support Gay marriage,
And I want the environment clean.
But I’m too busy at work to take action,
So I’m just voting for Howard Dean.
I know we must work inside the system,
It’s the best one that I’ve ever seen!
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

Yes, I cheered when they caught Saddam,
I knew that the news wouldn’t lie,
And I'm glad that the war is now over,
Cause my 401k's on the rise!
And you know that I love my country:
Best democracy money can buy!
So love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal!

Oh, once I was young and impulsive,
I wore every conceivable pin.
Even went to the socialist meetings
And I learned all the old union hymns.
Ah, but I've grown older and wiser,
That's why I'm turning you in...
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal!

And finally, another attempt at a modern-day adaptation of Phil Ochs' classic was posted just this week by Carl Miller at his blog Reason in Revolt Now Thunders. His is a more direct attack on Democrats; he changes the title to Love Me, I'm a Democrat. Here is is version:

Love Me, I'm a Demcrat: A Sarcastic Poem

I cried when they lynched Matthew Shepherd
Look what those bigots have done
That’s just another good reason
That we should get rid of the guns
But I love the Red White and Blue flag
These colors in Iraq never run

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a Democrat

I must admit I oppose all torture
But, I also don’t want to look weak
I guess I’m okay with torture
When it’s called "interrogation techniques"
And every time things get any worse
I promise Bush has reached his peak

So Love me, Love me, Love me, I’m a Democrat

I told you to support John Kerry
I was pretty sure that he would win
But I guess to many American people
Thought that gay marriage was a sin
you tell me elections were stolen
I just give you a sarcastic grin

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a Democrat

The Democrats must take back congress
If they do it'll open a new page
The ballot box is the only place
You’re supposed to pour your outrage
Who cares about bombing Iraqi children
Let’s vote to raise the minimum wage

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a Democrat

We need a timetable to get out
Of that Iraqi mess
Maybe 5, or 10 years is reasonable
Sending more troops would probably be best
Ending the occupation is crazy
It’s a wacked out far left request

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a democrat

Sometimes I try to keep you guessing
I might just oppose the war
But as soon I get the nomination
Big money will close the peace door
We’re heading down the road to fascism
The opposition just screams for more

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a Democrat

If the people want to see any changes
Or reverse the direction we’re in
Don’t come to me with your wishes
To Bush I will always give in
The answer is being in the streets
On Oct. 5th it begins

So love me, love me, love me, I’m a democrat.

I think those two current ones are both pretty good, and very much in the spirit of the original. Anyone else wanna take a stab at another 2006 version?